A problem with tenses

English teachers have rules about writing prose. Don't start a sentence with And, Or, Not, But... don't use Said, use a wide array of other words you discovered under the Said section of Roget's Thesaurus. There were probably more, but I don't remember them. As soon as you start to read contemporary novels and short stories, and in my case write them, you realise that the form, the flow and the rhythm are - in my opinion - more important than trying to swim through lots of clunky verbs.

The rules, therefore, are made to be broken! Yay for that!!

However, there is one rule that probably does hold true. And that is the problem I'm having at the moment. After my recent bout of writer's block, the words are flowing once more. But I am mixing my tenses and can't work out how to solve the problem. It's not just that I'll write one day in present, then come back to it the next and start in past tense. I'm doing it within the same paragraph, in the same minute of the same day.

Each sentence is so complete and so perfect in whichever tense I've used that to change them to conform to the sentences around them would ruin the image they are conveying.

I'd love to think that writing this way would be ground-breaking and inventive and experimental... but I fear it's just one broken rule too far.

Take two aspirin and plenty of fluids

It's official - I have writer's block.

For those of you who don't know, catching writer's block is a bit like catching a cold - you wake up in the morning with a bit of a sniffle, you develop a cough, you take Vitamin C and a couple of Lemsips and hope you've done enough to ward it off. You go to bed early with a headache, but the next day, there it is, a fully developed cold.

The timing is particularly bad, as I was preparing and planning to kick off 2011 with the most astounding prose the world as ever seen - hitting the ground running and beating my three competition wins of last year. It's like waiting for the new bike you know your parents are going to buy you for your birthday, but breaking your arm the day before and not being able to ride it for six weeks.

The words are in my head, but the connection to my pen/keyboard is broken. Unfortunately there's no quick fix and I'll just have to ride it out, read plenty and try not to panic!! (The exclamation marks do not in any way denote panic!)

Place fingers on keybaord and type until finished

I'm finding settling back down into the writing routine a bit tough. The kids are back to school, and the house is quiet except for the music I choose to play, yet....

My current short story is being written one sentence at a time - which might seem the logical way to write, but I mean, one sentence... stop, empty the bin, make a cuppa, check the news headlines... next sentence... delete sentence.... put clothes in washing machine...

Well, you get the idea. The problem is I started writing without a title, and the title always - well, normally - comes first. So now I'm wandering around the page, picking up and putting down words as I go, and staring out of the window a lot. It's very annoying because the story has all my favourite ingredients: a dead body, a shadowy unnamed main character, and a forboding sense of doom.

I hope it's not the start of writers block - I had that once and it lasted a couple of years. It was so bad I couldn't imagine ever writing again. Right now, I just can't imagine ever making sense again.

Hello 2011

I realise that I've had a short break over the Christmas period, and that this is my first mention of Christmas at all. I didn't intentionally avoid it, I just didn't get back to the blog after my last post. So... I hope you all had a great Christmas, and a very happy New Year!!

I'm afraid I'm another of those people who doesn't make resolutions - though I always think there's something vaguely smug about the way I say it, like those weird people who have to mention in every sentence that they don't own a telly, or only ever listen to Classic FM. The reason I don't make resolutions is that I'm a child in an adult's body and as soon as someone - even if that someone is me - tells me not to do something, then I automatically only want to do that thing. And I'm perfectly happy with my consumption of chocolate (moderate), alcohol (a glass of wine with dinner... okay, it's most nights, but it's only the one) and cigarettes (none).

A new year is daunting - I feel immense pressure to make it better than the last one. Last year I was able to spend a lot more time writing, through changing my job, and as a result I won a competition and came 3rd in two. That's the most writing success I've ever had in one go - so if 2011 can get better than that, I'm ready for it. But I also know that'll mean a lot of hard work - you can't publish a story that hasn't been written!! So my plans for this year are to work hard, play hard and make the year as memorable as possible.

I hope you all have resolutions and plans that you can be proud of and that will make you happy, rather than deprived and miserable. Enjoy 2011 and make it memorable!

Curious incidents with mirrors

How often do you look in the mirror and think: my long blond hair flows over my shoulders, a little straggly at the ends but nothing a good brushing won't sort out. My eyes are wide and bright and eager, the colour of the sea on a summer's day. My skin is porcelain, beautifully clear on account of the full skin regime my mother insisted on since I was fifteen; my neck is long and elegant... etc etc

My guess is that it's not often - if ever. So why do authors invent such peculiar ways to describe their characters?

As a writer, I rarely describe what my character looks like unless it is vital to the plot. It doesn't seem relevant to me, because as a reader it jars. I've been reading Light on Snow by Anita Shreve, which has inspired these thoughts. On the whole the book was enjoyable and seemed only to have the degree of description needed to convey the plot... until she had her twelve year old narrator look at herself in a mirror in a police station staff room and describe what she saw, in much the same awkward way I did at the start of this post. It was unnecessary to the plot at that point and totally jarred with the rest of the scene, which was quite tense and serious.

I much prefer to visualise for myself what the characters look like; I think that the character of the person is more important. If, for example, my character was very vain, yes I would definitely have her look in every single mirror and describe what she saw. If a character was obsessed by another, I was probably use that as the need to describe every tiny insignificant detail because that's what the obsessed person would be seeing.

Perhaps I should try it though: I could have people checking out their features in their turned off mobile phone, the concave of a desert spoon, the highly polished surface of a High Def flat screen TV.... oh, the possibilities :-)

Until my next rant, enjoy the snow!!

Books I wish I'd written

Inspiration seems to have frozen as deeply as the weather outside, so I thought I would share a few of the books I wish I'd written (which are also some of my favourite books, so also take this list as books I recommend).

Fight Club by Chuck Palanhuick - Obviously this book was made into that film with the gorgeous Brad Pitt and incredibly talented Ed Norton. I first read the book after I watched the film, and I believe it's better. The ending makes so much more sense in the book! The prose is highly stylized and rhythmic, with the kind of repetition of words and ideas that I sometimes employ myself. It's a joy to read and very satisfying when you reach the end.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom - I've mentioned this book in other posts and also, I think, on Facebook. It's a very happy and uplifting book, which gives a new take on Heaven. The main character is a lovely old man who doesn't feel he's achieved his life's ambitions due to outisde influences such as WWII.  I'm not sure I can say much more about this book, but I highly recommend this book. I should also mention that I bought this book entirely based on the title, which makes me realise how important titles really are.

Quite Contrary by Suzannah Dunn - I found this book in a discount book shop just after I'd read an article about it where the author mentioned it was only 56,000 words long. I bought it because of its length basically, but the writing is so rounded and believable, and the dialogue rings very true.

Snake by Kate Jennings - Set in the Australian outback it charts the life of a dissatisfied couple. Again, I picked this book up because it's very short, some of the chapters are barely two or three paragraphs long, and it's good for me to know that there are some publishers who are willing to take risks with prose. Kate Jennings is a poet, first and foremost, and you can definitely tell by reading this novel. The writing flows so well and so powerfully, so many emotions are shaped with so few words.

I need something by Margaret Atwood on this list, so I'm going to chose The Robber Bride. I think this was the first Margaret Atwood book I read, then I worked backwards. Whenever I read her, I mimic her style, which is long and descriptive and flowing and veers off in so many tangents. My style mimicking her style works very badly, but it's a lesson for me in how to write more expansively. In The Robber Bride, for example, she has a character who likes to reverse her words and sentences (if I remember correctly, it's been a while since I read it) - which is a perfect devise for writing everything out twice and doubling the word count!!!!

And lastly, Paradise by Toni Morrison - I was surprised to enjoy this book, because at school I read Beloved, and found it very difficult to get past the first page without being totally confused; there was just something very peculiar about the prose that didn't agree with me. Paradise, on the other hand, did everything I love about reading about foreign countries - it toally immersed me and made even the most mundane things about daily Deep South life seem exotic. Whenever I read it I always embark on an exercise to make South East Cornwall seem exotic - I haven't achieved it yet.

That's my list. I hope you search out a couple of these, or perhaps share your favourite books with me.

The story of Omelette

As most of you will already know - because most of you find yourself here from my Facebook page - I won 3rd Prize in the Words With Jam short story competition. It was a big surprise as I researched the magazine after I sent my entry and decided it wasn't the sort of thing they would publish. So a big thank you to Words With Jam and here's another link, in case you missed it on Facebook ---> Omelette. I am on page 47.

I thought I would share how warped my writing process is, as this story perfectly illustrates it. This was actually a very recently written story, and yes, if you haven't read it, it is about omelette. I like omelette and eat an awful lot of it, basically because I can't cook very much else, and due to my working patterns, I need a filling meal at lunchtime. So I eat omelette, and I always make it the same way. My way to vary it is to add chives instead of basil, or to add spring onion to the baked beans I always have too.

So, one day, as I was eating, I thought... 'Ooh, maybe I could write about omelette!'  See, I told you it was warped.

And now, because I'm aware that this isn't the most exciting post I've ever written, here is my perfect, tried and tested recipe for the best omelette and baked bean meal ever:

3 egg omelette, made with just eggs (no milk!), and a teaspoon of basil.
On top of this, add slices of tomato and spinach leaves
On top of that, add half a tin of baked beans, with added sweatcorn, mushrooms and spring onion
On top of that, add grated carrot and cheese.

Perfect! Enjoy your omelette!