ISWG - it's been a blast!

Click for the linky list

It's June, it's Wednesday, it's time to be insecure... and to make my final IWSG post.

I've been thinking of leaving the group for several months now, but the time has finally come. First and foremost, I would like to thank Alex for the time and commitment he puts into this group. He's the most amazing blogger I've ever met. Through this group, my own blog has grown, and the number of people who regularly comment is greater than I ever imagined.

I will still be blogging, and I will always be around on the first Wednesday of the month, giving support and advice. So, I'm not going anywhere, and nothing will change apart from the fact you'll all have one less blog to read on IWSG day.

My reasons, in case you're wondering, fit neatly into a bullet-point list:

• I have been talking about the same insecurities for the past few months - I'm bored of repeating myself, so I guess you're bored of hearing about them.
• I keep forgetting to post. Luckily, I stopped by Alex's blog yesterday which reminded me, but the last two months have been written half-way through the day itself.
• I struggle to get through visiting and commenting, and then feel guilty I'm not working on my WIP. It's becoming a challenge too far.
• Wednesdays are pretty busy days - I either work or meet up with friends for lunch/coffee - so by the time I get to my blog it's after dinner and I've got 20 or so commenters to visit before I even begin.

So, that's that. See you next month...

Thank you for all the advice and support.

You guys are awesome!

IWSG - Pass the red pen

There I was thinking my bloghop duties were over for a few days, at least, and then I look at my blog feed and everyone has realised that it's the first Wednesday of the month, and you should know what that means by now...

Click here for the linky list of members

I have decided to query agents with my latest novel. I had planned to simply pep up my synopsis and send it on its way, but I couldn't remember the story! So now I am reading my novel for the first time since before Christmas.

I thought it would be an easy recall the story and write the synopsis type job, but as I read, I can see parts I would love to rewrite. I'm battling against myself at the moment, because this poor story has gone through so many rewrites over several years I can't see how I could do better.

I still have half the book to read, so the battle isn't over yet. On the positive side, I think I might have nailed the synopsis... maybe.

Do you find things you want to change on your final read through?

Have you ever forgotten the story you told?

Do you have any general querying/submitting advice?

(UK and US methods vary greatly, so some advice might

not be suitable for me, but will definitely help others)

IWSG... Baring my soul

It's April... Happy A-Z Challenge, guys. My A post will be along a little later, but there's a reason I'm doing my Insecure group post first...

I'm completely insecure about my challenge entries.

I'm doing flash fiction/vignette/a bit of random rambling in fiction form - and I know, because people have told me, that several people are really looking forward to reading some new fiction from me.

But the problem is... all the fiction I've ever put out has been edited to death - continually being tweaked for several months/years - and my A-Z posts only came into being at the beginning of March. They are raw, open, stark. I feel like I'm baring my soul!

Okay, I'm done being a wimp. I'm going to let them out into the world now...

Today's challenge post will be posted at 8am GMT; the rest of the month will be posted at 6am GMT.

IWSG - a musical interlude

Another first Wednesday of the month... here's the list of other members.

I started writing this post a couple of days ago, and a moment ago I deleted it all, because it was too depressing - eg. Amazon rankings seem to imply that one of my books is lower in rank than they actually have books to rank.

So, instead, I am going to provide a musical interlude. Which can also double up as background music while you read other members posts if you open another tab.

Hopefully I'll feel more positive next month!

Edited 4 March 2015, 18:49: I'm not really too hung up on the rankings, I just thought that being 9 millionth and something out of (to quote) over 8 million books was kinda funny :-)

IWSG in a hurry

It's the first Wednesday of the month, and I completely forgot. In fact, I forgot it was a Wednesday and a new month too! I'm in too much of a flap to link to the list this month, but you know the drill by now.

If you read my last post, you'll understand how this error occurred - I'm alone with two kids, a naughty dog and an ageing cat. I am trying to fit in some peculiar shifts at work, cooking... and I've just broken a nail.

Insecurities this month? Well actually, none. I'm not writing at the moment, because of the aforementioned other stuff. It's very liberating, because I don't feel I have to write - although, earlier, I was sitting in Costa drinking a hot chocolate and realised I'd taken my notebook out of my bag.

Sometimes, by letting yourself not doing something, you realise it's the one thing you really, really want to.

Now, I'm off to finish my wine... because it's been that kind of day!

IWSG: New Year, Same Problems!

Happy New Year, Insecure Writers!

Are you a member? Have you considered joining and not go around to it yet? Why not make 2015 the year you join and discover the amazing talent, helpfulness and all round awesomeness of the members?

Click here to check out the members and sign up.

****

I thought, by now, almost three years after publishing my first book - and subsequently publishing two other books - I wouldn't be insecure any more, that I'd have an abundance of advice for people, that I'd be happily gliding through story after story, novel after novel...

It's okay, loyal blog followers, I'm light years away from that!

And that's a good thing.

I'm repeating myself. I've said this before on this blog, and in comments on other blogs. Once a writer becomes secure there is a chance they'll start to become complacent. A writer should feel insecure. They should question themselves, their ideas, their application of those ideas.

I'm reminding myself of this more than I'm telling you. I finished a novel late last year, and now I am bereft of ideas for the next one. I've been scribbling in my notebook for a few days, but really I'm going around in circles. Ten minutes ago, I had an ah-ha moment, but it's really just the whisper of an idea at the moment. I'm certain more will appear soon, but I have to wait.

I have to wait for my own subconscious to do the hard work!!

There are probably many writers who abide by the 'write every day, don't wait for inspiration' process fainting right now. So, sorry about that.

But, also, if you're really feeling insecure right now, just think of me, sitting in front of a blank page, waiting for a dream to point me in the right direction.

IWSG - Not quite a book review, but close

It's the last IWSG meeting of the year - time to share our problems and worries, and help others in turn. The list of participants is right here.

This month I am insecure about something I read, rather than something I wrote.

The book in question - A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing, by Eimear McBride - has mixed reviews on Goodreads, but has won several literary awards. It is experimental, in style; although I've never really understood what that term means in terms of fiction, because I've never really found anything I would consider truly experimental - they usually have words and sentences, a plot, some characters... So far, so normal.

However, just the first page or two, had me wondering whether I'd actually forgotten how to read! The sentences are half-formed, let alone the girl. I read every paragraph a couple of times, getting the drift of what the author was saying but not really understanding it. For example:

"I know. The thing wrong. It’s a. It is called. Nosebleeds, head aches . Where you can’t hold. Fall mugs and dinner plates she says clear up."
McBride, Eimear (2014-04-07). A Girl Is a Half-formed Thing (p. 1). Faber & Faber. Kindle Edition. 

I have never before read something that made me feel stupid. And I don't think I want to ever again. I actually gave up on the book on the second page - something that I try never to do.

So, does this make it experimental? Hmm, not sure. I don't think this novel has helped me decide what experimental fiction really is. I can understand that stream-of-consciousness can be seen as such, but I think it should be more than that. And surely since fiction has existed for thousands of years, there's no new way of telling a story that someone hasn't done at some point.

(Slightly off-topic, because it's been bugging me - I usually think in whole sentences. I have never thought It's a. Have you?)

The good reviews on Goodreads call it impressive, intelligent and accomplished. So, because I just don't get this book, does that mean I'm none of the above? Am I missing out? What does it say about my own writing - am I too simple, too basic?

Have you read this book? Did you enjoy it?

Have you ever read a book that made you feel stupid?

Can you explain experimental to me?

IWSG - Waiting for the right words

It's the November installment of the Insecure Writer's Support Group where us writers get together to share our insecurities and give advise to others. Check out the sign up/visiting list here!

I'm a bit late with this today. I've not had much time at my laptop this week - shopping (necessary rather than exciting), working and spending most of Monday in bed with some kind of lurgy.

This month I am trying to re-write my latest novel. It should have been an easy task, but then I hit a chapter that just doesn't flow. I need that chapter, but it needs to be completely scratched and re-started and I have no idea how to do it. I can't move on until I've got this bit sorted because the bit that comes next will highly depend on what happens in this bit.

I'm not expecting help with this - it's probably a wait and find inspiration in a random place, kind of deal - but a box of chocolates and a glass of wine wouldn't go wasted...

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

On a slightly different note,

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Our Beautiful Child

by Annalisa Crawford

Giveaway ends November 12, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

IWSG Facebook anniversary!

Today the IWSG Facebook page is a year old. It's a closed group, dedicated to helping fellow writers every day of the year. I'm a member of the group over there, but I'm not very active on it. I sometimes don't think I have any advice to offer... I really do still feel like a beginner.

This month, most posts will be taking the form of  tips and instructions in the areas of writing, publishing, and marketing. I decided not to take part for the reason stated above. I'm just posting this so Alex won't bump me off the list, and to keep up my record of posting (I think... I hope) every single month since its inception.

I'll definitely be grabbing my copy of the anthology, when it's available.

IWSG in September

It's the September meeting Insecure Writer's Support Group... Check out the sign up/visiting list here!

You know what that means? It means I survived the summer holidays for another year. It also means both my kids are in the last year of their respective schools. I means my sun tan is going to fade soon. And it means I really ought to knuckle down and get some work done.

I spent the summer messing around with some small projects, giving up, starting something else, giving up... I've had a lot of distractions since April, and I'm still in that I've just finished a major project stage, even though that major project was finished in February!

I used to be happy with my work rate, but there are so many writer friends who are working on several books at once, or releasing something every four months, or telling me their plans to release two new books before the end of the year, that I'm starting to think I'm a bit slow. I ought to be doing more.

I have a novel and a novella currently under submission, but nothing else remotely ready. I'm going to get to a point soon where I have absolutely no writing projects at all... It's probably time for some chocolate!

PS...

That Sadie Thing on Kindle is 99 cents (77p) until Friday, and then $1.99 for another couple of days after that. Check out this link. [edit. 12.20pm BST, 3 Sept... Not yet, but soon hopefully!!]

Argh! Where has the time gone? #IWSG

Welcome to my insecurities! IWSG is a monthly group where us writers have a communal meltdown, and offer advice. (Because - let's face it - you and I might be having the same insecurities, but have no problem offering great advice to each other!)

Check out the list of participants right here!



It's another non-writing insecurity this month - and I'm not going to be around much to visit/comment/reply (but I totally will on Thursday!) - because...

Argh! My baby is 15!

Me and my baby!

In September, he'll be starting his final year at school, applying to college, taking exams...

Argh! My baby is 15!

The weird thing is, I don't feel fifteen years older. I feel exactly the same as I did then, albeit not quite so scared as when I had this 9lb bundle thrust into my arms and I was suddenly a mother. That kind of fear is quite unique!

So, if you want me today, I'll be lying down somewhere, probably with a glass of wine.

Happy insecurities, everyone!

IWSG: Everything except writing

Welcome to July's contribution to the IWSG...

As always, please check out this link to sign up or visit the other participants.

I'm a bit later than normal with this post. Today I am feeling insecure about everything except my writing. My new book is out, it's going to be a paperback very soon (as in, should have been yesterday) and I've started a new short story.

But my of non-writing life is draining my energy and making me want to hide beneath my duvet. I'm doing an NVQ at work, and I'm worried I'm not good enough to pass; the kids are off school soon, and I'm worried they'll get bored and we'll waste the summer; I'm even worried about interest rate rises later on in the year.

And, worst of all, I'm worried about all the things I can't change, even if I worry about them in just the right way.

It's probably just time to dive into my character's problems and forget my own for a while!

Insecure... Oh yes!

It's the first Wednesday of the month... it's time for the Insecure Writers Support Group. Follow this link and check out the other posts.

So, am I insecure this month? Yep, I really am.

My next book is due out next week. And, as every author knows, this is the point when you go through every single emotion in one day, and then do it all again the next day, and the next. For a whole week!

Will people like it? Is it what they're expecting? Will anyone buy it? Am I fooling myself that I can write? Should I get a proper job? Will people like it? Is it what...?

There's nothing I can do to stop these thoughts, and nothing anyone else can say either. Tomorrow I might think I'm the best writer in the whole world, the day after I'll be back to a nail-biting tangle of nerves. I need to take a deep breath, have a cup of tea, and maybe put on a good film - anything to distract me, really. After all, there's nothing I can do about it now.

How do you cope with pre-publication fears?

Or, if you haven't published yet, the fear of querying? 

IWSG - It's all in my head

It's the time of the month that writers across the world come together to offer support to each other. To sign up, follow this link...

So, as soon as I wrote the title of this post, I thought of this song, so I'm sharing it because it's a jolly good tune, even though it has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about.

So, on with the post: what is in my head, I hear you ask?

Well, my story, that's what. I can see it in my dreams, I can touch it until the very moment I pick up a pen, I can taste it; it's real but I can't get it down on paper.

Artoo

Real life is getting in the way: we've got a new puppy which is a challenge I wasn't fully prepared for, and I've just started an NVQ course, which means a lot of work at home due to the very small number of hours I actually work. 

And, when I finally get to write, all the ideas pack up and go somewhere sunny! It's not even a new piece, it's a rewrite of an 8 year old story that I always new could be better. Right now, I'm just stuck!

Have you ever had an idea which refused to budge from your head?

IWSG - the first 40 years

Hello first Wednesday of the month, how beautiful you look.  It's Insecure Writer's Support Group time again, Are you in? If not, follow this link for the linky list to check out other group members, or to join up and share your own insecurities.


Yes, I know, I've been banging on about my impending doom birthday for a while now - and for good reason!

40 is BIG!

BIG!

REALLY BIG!!!

Okay, so it's not really that big. It's just a number. But, it's a number that makes me cringe, reflect, fear, enjoy.

Cringe: I'm getting old. When I look in the mirror I have wrinkles, and I'm convinced I have more than my mum who's always stayed out of the sun, and worn the most ridiculous straw hats in the summer - you know, those really huge ones? In the mornings, my face has a certain puffiness to it, which takes a while to settle down. And I'm a gym instructor, for goodness sake... I'm in an industry of children!!

Reflect: What have I actually achieved? When I was 20, 40 seemed ancient. But, everyone who was 40 had their lives sorted - they were successful, secure, and most of all they acted like grown-ups! At 20, I honestly didn't think I'd reach 40, it seemed so stupidly far away, surely I was never going to reach it.

However, when I look at what I have achieved, it's not all that bad:

• Happy, healthy kids who like spending time with me (mostly)
• A fifteen year old marriage
• Two books published, and another on the way (and to be honest, this was the only goal I've ever had.) 
• After making mistakes, I've finally figured out who I am and what makes me happy

Fear: Have I peaked? Will everything come tumbling down? Will I wake up with aching bones, grey hair, an urge to wear nylon trousers the very day after my birthday? Will people expect me to act my age? Will men stop wolf-whistling me in the street? ... Oh, wait, no, they don't do that anyway, phew! 

Enjoy: Two years ago, I'd have been middle-aged now... However, I recently read that middle-age has been redefined and now starts at 50!! Who-hoo, ten more years before I get truly maudlin. (Oh, you thought this was bad??) 

Don't worry, I know myself very well... I will have all these fears until the actual day, then I will enjoy being the centre of attention and eat lots of cake, and the next day, I will be completely myself again!

This will be my last post until 23 April, but in my absence I've arranged some brilliant guest bloggers to help me celebrate my birthday and pass along some words of wisdom. The first post will be Monday, 7 April. 

Happy A-Zing to everyone who's taking part!

IWSG: What the heck is wrong with me?

This is the second time in a row where I've remembered it's time for a group post because I noticed someone else's post pop up on Facebook! I must remember to schedule properly next month!! There are a couple of niggles this month, rather than insecurities.

• I started a newsletter. I have seven lovely sign-ups, will there be any more? And if they are, will they read it, or just send it to their spam? Do I have enough information to fill a newsletter? Does anyone care?? The box to sign up is over there, on the right, you know - if you want to -------> --------->
• I haven't written anything for ages. I know I'm in the thinking phase (don't laugh - this phase is important for me, I'm not a sit down and write xxx words every day type of writer). At the moment I have vague images of a man who's a writer, a hotel, an explosion, and a feeling I get when I hear a specific song. I've also been really inspired by some old photos of my local area - a young photographer has superimposed old and new photos of the same scene, and I know I want to use that. My hometown (the city I now live next to) has some of the most amazing buildings which were left to decay (or bombed out of existence) during World War II. I'd love to bring them back to life in this next book, but I'm not sure how.
• Hubby is away on tour (I might have mentioned it). He arrived in Europe on Monday - and so far, #2 son has bumped his head three times, and woke up last night feeling sick. Things really do fall apart when he's not here!

I think that's everything. It's probably enough, isn't it? I could probably splurge a lot more onto the page, but it would end up as wanton self-pity and end in copious amounts of tears.

On a positive note:

• It's not going to rain today
• I looked in the mirror and noticed one of my 'problem' areas is finally improving!! (It's only taken 10 years, early days really!)
• Some scientist somewhere has suggested we might have another lovely summer this year
• I haven't eaten chocolate for five days
• I'm off to have coffee with a friend today

How are you? Tell me your positives, I want to feel happy today!

IWSG: Always Insecure

For the first time ever, I'm writing this post just before I publish it. Usually I have it scheduled and I've thought long and hard about my problems, neuroses and insecurities. Today, however, I'm just going to splurge.

Thanks, as always, to Alex J Cavanaugh for his inspired original idea. You can sign up here, if you've just arrived from Mars and never heard of this fantastic group before.


So, why am I so disorganised this month? Because I just finished my latest novella. Yep, honestly, unless my latest reader finds amazing problems with the plot/characters/themes, it's staying exactly as it is.

I've been so deep in edits that I've been a little bit blog-absent recently - once more my blog feed is hitting 600+ posts to read. I have to be honest, I probably won't read them all... And then I'll feel bad, because I can guarantee that by deleting posts without reading I'm going to miss some really important news. And then I'll feel like a bad blogger friend, and I'll forget that I only have my blog to support my writing, so my writing should come first, but I've known my blogger friends for so long that they're now my real friends. And then I realise I'm actually neglecting my non-blogger friends too. And then I feel bad, and insecure, and wonder if I should bother writing at all.

So, to clarify... balance is this month's insecurity!

An IWSG update

Thank you to everyone who commented on my IWSG post this month. If you didn't see it, I was trying to decide whether I should cut words to fit a specific market, or continue with the story as I wanted to tell it.

I decided to cut words! I realised I had no choice, I would kick myself if I didn't at least try - on account of my huge crush on this publisher! It was only 3300 words over the absolute maximum (and I checked, there's no leeway), I could cut that easily... In fact, my words in the IWSG post was easy peasy.

Oh dear... those dreaded last words.

As I started to cut a few words here and there, tightening sentences that admittedly were already pretty tight because I can't write any other way, I also started to add words: I needed to clarify a certain point I was trying to make, I'd cut off a train of thought halfway through. And I'd forgotten Christmas. When you're trying to denote the passing of years in a small number of words, Christmas is always a great bullet point.

My word count now stands at 4000 words over the maximum. Looking at the numbers alone, I can see where I can slice it - the story is top heavy, the first chapter is over three times the length of the final one. But I've read and re-read, and I just can't slash any more words without losing the impact of the story.

It looks like I won't be able to submit to this imprint after all...

IWSG: A question

It's the time of the month that writers across the world come together to help sort me out... ahem! I mean, offer support to the writing community. To sign up, follow this link... link!

This month I have a question, pure and simple - but first, you'll need some background...

I've been working on my current story for a couple of months - it's actually a novel I started in 2006 which I rediscovered late last year and utterly slashed it down to it's bare bones to rewrite.

I have a crush on a publisher (does that sound weird?) I would love to be published by these guys more than anyone else in the world. They sent out notification of a new ebook series for urban stories for 18-24 year olds.... and guess what? My book fits the bill.

The word count requirement is 30k, which would mean cutting 3500 words (easy-peasy, to be honest).

Okay, that's the background; here's the problem:

• I haven't yet put in a few of the details I need to, which I think are important, and will probably mean increasing the word count
• Although this story fits the brief perfectly, the next book may not be contemporary urban fiction - the characters and story come first, the genre can be absolutely anything! I imagine they would want another novella for the same series, rather than just having authors they work with once.

The question: What would you do?

• Ignore the additional material and cut to fit, with no guarantee - of course - that after all that work the novella might not be accepted?
• Or would you write the novella/novel you wanted to and look for another publisher, or even submit to that same publisher for their main list?

IWSG: I'm being haunted by my character

It's the first Wednesday of the month, so it's time for December's IWSG post. To find out more about this amazing group, and to sign up, check our the website here.

Here's the truth: I get haunted by some of the characters I write about - they creep into my head and won't leave, even after I've stopped writing about them.

Dark characters, emotionally-wrought characters. I get weighed down with their problems and their thoughts until it's hard for me to remember they are not real. I dream about them, indeed I dream as though I am them. When I'm writing an upsetting scene I can find myself dragged down even when I'm on my way to work. 

It's not altogether a bad thing, it means I can really empathise, which is a good thing for a writer, right?

In my soon-to-be-edited-again novel, I have a character who disappears into the walls (literally/figuratively - that's the reader's call), and I actually found myself trying to do the exact same thing - in awkward situations I'd find myself creeping closer and closer to the wall, pretending I wasn't there!

Sometimes, I find it hard to come back to being just me.

Of course, this wouldn't be a problem if I wrote about happy, playful, beautiful, confident people... I'll have to try that one day!

Do you ever find yourself being taken over by your characters?
Is this a good thing, a bad thing or a distraction?