Yes, I know, I've been banging on about my impending
40 is BIG!
Okay, so it's not really that big. It's just a number. But, it's a number that makes me cringe, reflect, fear, enjoy.
Cringe: I'm getting old. When I look in the mirror I have wrinkles, and I'm convinced I have more than my mum who's always stayed out of the sun, and worn the most ridiculous straw hats in the summer - you know, those really huge ones? In the mornings, my face has a certain puffiness to it, which takes a while to settle down. And I'm a gym instructor, for goodness sake... I'm in an industry of children!!
Reflect: What have I actually achieved? When I was 20, 40 seemed ancient. But, everyone who was 40 had their lives sorted - they were successful, secure, and most of all they acted like grown-ups! At 20, I honestly didn't think I'd reach 40, it seemed so stupidly far away, surely I was never going to reach it.
However, when I look at what I have achieved, it's not all that bad:
- Happy, healthy kids who like spending time with me (mostly)
- A fifteen year old marriage
- Two books published, and another on the way (and to be honest, this was the only goal I've ever had.)
- After making mistakes, I've finally figured out who I am and what makes me happy
Fear: Have I peaked? Will everything come tumbling down? Will I wake up with aching bones, grey hair, an urge to wear nylon trousers the very day after my birthday? Will people expect me to act my age? Will men stop wolf-whistling me in the street? ... Oh, wait, no, they don't do that anyway, phew!
Enjoy: Two years ago, I'd have been middle-aged now... However, I recently read that middle-age has been redefined and now starts at 50!! Who-hoo, ten more years before I get truly maudlin. (Oh, you thought this was bad??)
Don't worry, I know myself very well... I will have all these fears until the actual day, then I will enjoy being the centre of attention and eat lots of cake, and the next day, I will be completely myself again!
This will be my last post until 23 April, but in my absence I've arranged some brilliant guest bloggers to help me celebrate my birthday and pass along some words of wisdom. The first post will be Monday, 7 April.
Happy A-Zing to everyone who's taking part!