Friday, 1 August 2014

Confusion

Do you ever feel completely confused by everything? For the past couple of weeks, that's been my overriding feeling. I'm taking medication at the moment, so I might check the side-affects when I finish this post!

Time seems to be very confusing. I swear I sit down for a cup of tea in the morning, and suddenly it's 4pm and I have to think about getting ready for work. The kids being off school isn't helping either - days are just flowing together, and I don't seem to be achieving anything.

This past week, I've managed to write one short story and fail at writing another. The words are all there, but not necessarily in the right order so I'm just waiting for the right inspiration - like the thunderstorm I had last week. The not-quite-written story is about a man who's confused, so I guess that's not really helping my current state of mind.

I've had two rejections this week, too. I don't fear rejections, but I always thought that when I started publishing books I'd know how to write stories for journals and competitions. In writing magazines, the advice is 'win some comps/publish in magazine to raise awareness of your books', which makes sense, apart from the fact no one's told the judges and editors I need to do it for this reason.

On the positive side though, my mum came over to tell me how much she liked my latest book, and how she was reluctant to turn the lights off when she finished. It made me very happy that I'd scared my mum!



32 comments:

  1. confusion is a natural state at my age. I swear it takes a set of post-it notes to get anything done. So, for you it must be the medication. And kid distraction. I'm sure they are appreciating your bonding time with them and no doubt are soaking up wisdom, good habits, etc. Thus, you are doing good in this world, and scaring your mother. I'd say all is fine.

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  2. I don't know about confusion, but I've been having a lack of focus lately that makes me feel like I'm not achieving anything, either. Maybe look at your confusion as inspiration for the story :)

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    1. Confusion played a huge part in my inspiration last night, until I fell asleep without writing it down, and woke up with nothing but the first line and the realisation it was brilliant... and totally gone :-)

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  3. My summer has been a sort of hazy blur. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with my son back to school in 17 days, though. Hope you find some clarity and inspiration soon. :)

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    1. We've only just started the school holidays - we've got another 5 weeks yet. I'm hoping it'll all settle down soon :-)

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  4. I think it can be hard to focus whenever you change your usual routine - like having the kids around during the day or, for me, not having to be out the house by 8.15 in the morning! But you have achieved some writing so that's good and rejection is never fun however, much we expect it sometimes it does knock you. Here's hoping the new month brings you clarity and focus :)

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    1. Without the kids having to get ready for school, we all seem to be dressing etc later and later - by the time September comes, we might not even bother! It makes me appreciate the routine for actually getting stuff done.

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  5. Confusion is tough. I hope you find the right inspiration soon. Yep, medication can be disruptive, but I know it won't keep you down and out for long. It is awesome that your mom liked your book.

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    1. Thanks Murees. Even better that I scared my mum witless :-)

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  6. I feel the same way. I really think it's because of summer vacation: my routine is all messed up. Hope things improve for you soon. :)

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    1. Routine can seem boring sometimes, but I think it's underestimated. We all need it, to some degree.

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  7. I begin to feel like this in late summer every year for some reason. I blame the late-summer blues :)

    But there's only 51 more days til fall!!

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    1. The UK is enjoying such an unprecedented beautiful summer, I don't ever want it to end. Usually by now, I'm longing for jumpers and woolly tights again, but not this year!

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  8. I've been feeling very confused lately too. I resigned my teaching position because I could not function in the new testing/data-crazed climate of the classroom. But now I'm going to be writing full time, and I don't have anything to work on after the final contracted book in my series. I want to have a project I'm excited about on the horizon, because that's what makes me happy. But I'm flailing. I'm afraid I will finish the revisions for this last contracted book ... and it'll be the last book I ever write. Everything I've tried to start falls flat on its face.

    It could be I'm just burned out from the series and I need to take a break. But when school starts in the fall and I don't go back with all my former colleages -- I'll go nuts if I don't have something to write.

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    1. I can completely understand your confusion, Dianne - as a teacher, you had a routine, and now you don't. It might take a few weeks/months to get used to it, but I'm sure the ideas will start flowing :-)

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  9. You scared your mother - good job.
    Check with your doctor about those meds. Confusion might very well be a side effect.

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    1. A visit to the doctor is probably a good idea.

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  10. Great feedback from you mom... :) Confusion is a bit scary... hope it's just a side effect from you other meds.

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    1. I'm feeling a bit more normal now, thanks.

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  11. Hi Annalisa - I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the medication and the heat (mugginess) ... so take things easy ... take time out to work out some short stories to enter in those magazines ... and relax with the kids, while they're at home - well when the show up! Kids seem to do their own thing - so easily ... but always need Mum and Dad ...

    Wonderful about your mother - isn't that just lovely to have that beautiful endorsement .. I hope her sleep recovers soon ...

    All will return to normality anon .. all the best - Hilary

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    1. At the moment, I'm home in case the kids pop in! The heat is probably part of the problem - there's a breeze today, which is glorious. And yes, I think my mum has calmed down now lol.

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  12. I've been feeling this way for the whole summer it seems. Or really more like this whole year. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it's August.
    Cute that your book scared your mother! :)

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    1. The summer does crazy things to us, doesn't it? It's like we're designed for the cold and wet weather!

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  13. I know how these times go. And I agree, summer just kind of throws things sometimes. Best of luck with all the writing endeavors! Yay for scaring our mums :)

    Sarah Allen
    (From Sarah, With Joy)

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  14. Somehow it feels like time passes much more quickly during the summer, though I wish that it didn't. I'm sorry about the rejections, but they're still proof that you tried and that you put your work out there, which is more than what a lot of other people have done.

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    1. Yes, I think you're right about time. It definitely goes very slowly during the dark days of winter!

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  15. Confusion, wonder, and WTF this exists?! have been my default this past week so I totally understand your feelings.

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    1. Lol, I hope you've started to settle back in now.

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  16. I feel like I live in the State of Confusion but I'm not sure it could be the medication. It could also be that maybe so much is going on around you. Sometimes we all need to just set back close your eyes and take a breather or take the day off. Some Chamomile tea, with Lavender aromatherapy and a nice relaxing bath almost always seems to be the trick with me.

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    1. I've been thinking of getting a massage. I used to go regularly, and it really helped with relaxation.

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